Every September, the night before the new school season was to start, I’d go to bed with my stomach jumbled every which way… feeling like a raffle ticket inside one of those cages going round and round before someone picked a winner…and inevitably find myself drifting into the same sort of nightmare…
** I was standing alone outside the classroom door – pulling, tugging at its handle that wouldn’t work – while all the other kids watched from inside, rolling with laughter and pointing…
** Or…the teacher was calling on me and I was tongue-tied…totally unable to give an answer…
** Or…I was running to catch the volleyball and just as I reached out to spike it underneath, I tripped — like Dick Van Dyke over his ottoman — and it smacked me in the nose, to everyone’s jeers…
All sort of fun-house weird. Because…mostly, I truly enjoyed grade school… even looked forward to marking holidays that rolled one to another in this opening season. But it was just this first day back that rattled me… worrying about resuming friendships with kids I hadn’t seen all summer… letting FEAR deceive me…until I made myself step into that moment and the real fun of fall in a new school year whooshed me into new joys… Like…
Joining the Brownies and staying after school to make special crafts together…
Practicing for our class choir night, laughing together until our sides hurt, singing through tears at the beauty of some of the songs and meeting the smiles of good friends…
Taking front and center in the spelling bees until it came down to me and another Pam…the dueling Pamelas…
Being chosen to help paint a chalk mural on our blackboard along with some true artists in our class… like Jon and Kathleen…
Hearing the church bells nearby ringing joyfully as brown leaves skittered on our playground… and enjoying slipping inside the chapel after school to watch the candles flicker, smell the scent of peace as light streamed colors through the stained glass windows…
Mmm… there was the usual drudgery with homework, yes. But there was also something wondrously warm and exuberantly exciting about school in the fall… moving from pumpkin and costume and candy-time to Thanksgiving and then… my favorite of all… Christmas! Singing carols. Creating beautiful cards in class, greeting each other with giggles of Merry Christmas and C’ya next year!
And now, as I remember… I think how FEAR is a liar and a thief. And I remind myself… when you step through its smokescreen, joyful surprises often await.
© Pam Depoyan
As I write these posts in celebration of fall, I’m linking up with Melissa Michaels at her beautiful inspired room.net where she has many warm and lovely ideas to make your home fall-cozy – see her welcome page for31 inspired days, along with the rest of the “31-dayers” who are also sharing various month-long inspirations! I’ll tag these stories under the category of “Autumn Leaves.” Let us open this seasonal book together to find those “roses” tucked within their leaves…
favor photo above – http://www.marthastewartweddings.com
Tag: Every September, the night before school
Writing... Apples of Gold 
Wow! What a great lesson to have learned. Thanks for making that “teaching” so visible.
Thanks, Diane! Funny how God speaks into these tiny memories as we recall them…
Yes, our joys should come from little packages, from simple things done in friendship and family. Fear should not come in between for us not to enjoy those moments. I love this story and the lesson about fear. Thank you.
I meditated about fear today. While we are in the state of confusion and do not know what lies at the other side of this mountain we are facing, we can only see the mountain. It hides the light coming from our Creator. It is easy to think that God is so far and distant, one is left alone.
Yes, you are so right, Lolita! We need to keep our eyes on Him, and put the problem in his hands… I’m glad you enjoyed this story!